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Joke of the Day

"Why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? She uses the other hand to moan."

"""on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart."" If walmart had tour guides."

"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."

"Knock Knock. [My C#@&] Who's there? Mike. Mike Who?! Mike Och"

"I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton... ...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!"

"Super Mario is so unrealistic. No brother would ever help find his missing sister in law."

"I haven't seen anyone in a yellow jersey this disgraced since Lance Armstrong."

"My chest hair connected with connected with my armpit My hair is really going places"

"Want to hear a bird joke? Oops i forgot it. *Hawkward*."

"Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha"