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Joke of the Day

"Her: Let's go see 50 Shades of Grey Me: Tonight? Her: Yes [After the movie] Her: OMG that was so hot! Me: Mom, please just stop talking"

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."

"Where do Italian gangsters come from? The spaghetto"

"I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat But the margin was too small to contain it"

"My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him."

"[2 detectives are at a murder scene] ""my god Wilkins. Are you thinking what im thinking?"" ... ""a lasagne driving a car?"" ""Exactly"""

"I take all of my relationship advice from Animal Planet."

"Elephants and a Guy Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: ""I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"