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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia? He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy."

"If you rape a hooker/prostitute... is that actually shoplifting?"

"What do you call a Redhead who dyes her hair Blonde? TransGinger"

"I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I'd just be dead. Smart kid."

"A joke from my old physics professor.. How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China."

"The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me."

"The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. ""Too pudgy to be a terminator"" says one woman."

"If Taylor Swift wasn't a famous singer, I bet she'd be crazy fucking annoying on Facebook."

"How do you protect yourself from ghosts? Hide in the living room."

"Have hope for the future, but maybe build a bomb shelter anyway."