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Joke of the Day

"How do you protect yourself from ghosts? Hide in the living room."

"I had some Taco Bell the other night. Shit was spewing out of my ass at 88mph. Now everyone at school calls me Doc Brown."

"My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal."

"WIFE: you need a haircut ME: I do not WIFE: *whistles and a little bird pops up on top of my head, chirping* ME: shhhh, she just had babies"

"Who makes more money: a prostitute or a drug dealer? Depends on who has the best crack."

"God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out. So he had to resort to Plan Bee."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Drum Roll please! To get to the other side. Thank you ladies and gents for the applause, I'll be here all night."

"5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now... That's a perfect vision joke."

"What did one gay sperm say to the other? How are we going to get through this shit"

"The rain is pounding so hard I'm kind of jealous."