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Joke of the Day

"If you rape a hooker/prostitute... is that actually shoplifting?"

"Knock knock Who's there? Bob the interrupting cow with Tourette's syndrome. Bob the interrupt- COCKSUCKING-motherfucking-**cunt**!"

"Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature? First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare"

"Son? ""Yes dad?"" If they ever put me on my death bed... I want you to... ""Yes?"" Tell those idiots to put me on a life bed instead wtf"

"PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever"

"What does Donald Trump call the space between his balls and his butthole? The Bridge. It connects his courage to his ideas."

"Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*"

"How do you know your friend has been at the gym? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"There are three kinds of people in this world Those that can count and those that cannot"

"Elliott Smith... Wouldn't know heartache if it stabbed him in the chest."