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Joke of the Day

"""It's terminal-"" GOD! HOW LONG DO I HAVE? ""Departure time is in three hours."" THREE? WHAT DO I DO? ""This is an airport."" SO WHAT? I'M DYING!"

"Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building? It's a long story."

"You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? Hahahaa WHY!!??"

"I'd like to plant a grove of trees to remember loved ones who've passed on. But everyone gets weird whenever I talk about my mourning wood."

"No lie: When the plane landed I had 9 texts and my 13yr old had 343."

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours...? Not *your* cheese!"

"[taking pregnant wife to hospital ER] Me: Help! My wife's having contradictions! Dr: Don't you mean contractions? Wife: Never say never"

"The only way to know if a jokes is actually funny is to tell it to an African-American. Black laughs matter."

"Sean Connery walks into a library and asks for a book on solo photography. ""Shelf E,"" replied the librarian. ""Aye that's the one,"" said Sean"

"Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life."