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Joke of the Day

"""Sit down. I've got some bad news."" (Every Milkman's boss 30 years ago)"

"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently not 3, because my basement is still dark."

"That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy's apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view."

"Me (getting choked): who called it getting new tires Guy (who is choking me): how are you breathing Me (dying): and not a retirement plan"

"What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian? The canoe tips."

"My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her."

"Every birthday is a surprise party after you turn 80."

"Text your dad ""egg salad sandwich"" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken."

"I've always wanted to improve my knowledge of Greek Mythology.... It's been my achilles elbow for quite some time."