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Joke of the Day

"Text your dad ""egg salad sandwich"" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken."

"Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times."

"I'm writing a book about common Mexican names... I'm gonna call it ""50 Shades of Jose"""

"Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning"

"Could we make a seperate subreddit... for one-liners please? :) I just love seeing the old fashioned long jokes! you're awesome /r/jokes!"

"What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce? I did not see that coming."

"If Robbie Rotten's ""We are number one"" is a meme.. Does that make one a musical number?"

"What are the man with no shoes say when he was forced to walk on broken glass? Fuck"

"News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though."

"What's the difference between my ex and the Titanic? The Titanic only went down on 1,000 people."