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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."

"Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? He doesn't want anybody to know he fuc%ing the chicken"

"Umm, no officer. I'm pretty sure that bag of weed fell out of YOUR pocket."

"My girlfriend wanted to have sex in the back seat of my car And she wanted me to drive."

"Did you hear about the solider that survived a mustard gas attack and a pepper spray attack? He's now a seasoned veteran."

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies under the front wheels of your vehicle."

"I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Fuck if I know."