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Joke of the Day

"I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said ""check, mate"". I replied and said, ""you didn't win though?"" Confused he said, ""mate, I know."""

"If you don't call your spouse ""wonderful"" when you're on a game show, you're legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show."

"These poker chips must be stale, they taste horrible."

"ME: ppl call dogs ""doggo"" now. i guess its a meme, i dont get it THERAPIST: this is $200/hr. do you want to talk about anything else? ME: no"

"Christmas with the family While I greatly enjoy the presence of their company, I prefer the company of their presents."

"How do chemists get high? they drop acid of course"

"Two blondes are waiting for a bus. The first one is waiting for the 2nd route bus, the other - for the 3rd. They both board the route 23 bus when it arrives."

"Sure I named my black cat Blackie and my grey cat Grey, but you need to be a little less obvious with babies. Isn't that right, Mistake?"

"What is a burp? A fart taking the elevator."

"LA girls say they want to go on ""adventures"" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking"