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Joke of the Day

"If you don't call your spouse ""wonderful"" when you're on a game show, you're legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show."

"Why do bald guys cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair."

"How do you get a cut-price parrot ? Plant bird seed !"

"Every time I use hand sanitizer I wonder about the 0.1% of bacteria that isn't killed. What the hell kind of scary shit is that?"

"Realizing his terrible mistake, Judas bitterly hurled his half-eaten Klondike bar into the sea."

"I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring."

"What did Ted Cruz's wife get after being elbowed by him? A Ted Bruz"

"What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day? On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish."

"What did the programmer call his ship? Sea++"

"What do you call a Rwandan tribe falling down a hill? Tutsi Roll"