160396

Joke of the Day

"*Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*"

"When comparing men to women, you'll notice there's a vas deferens between the two."

"After sex I always get out my phone and order my wife a dozen roses. My girlfriend thinks I'm hilarious."

"Do you remember the name of the Italian/Vietnamese restaurant we went to? Yeah! It was great, how could I ""Pho-get-abouttit"""

"I'm such an alcoholic.... That when Alcohol does its taxes, it claims me as its dependant!"

"Women are like rollercoasters... Fucking mental."

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders"

"[US] Mexican Submarine Destroyed in the Gulf of Mexico Oops wrong sub"

"*Buys map of world, pins up on wall* *Swears to visit wherever it lands* *Aims dart* Map: I have a boyfriend"

"I hope my neighbors follow me on Twitter cause their car's lights are on."