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Joke of the Day

"A Roman walks into a bar... ...holds up two fingers and says, ""Five beers please""."

"me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!"

"It's surprising how little people change Actually the process isn't that different, other than the tiny clothes"

"Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying ""What the f are you looking at?!"""

"You wanna hot body? You wanna Bugatti? You wanna Maseratti? Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears."

"I currently own a system which is exactly 14 times better than Windows 7. I call it: Windows 98."

"If Kristen Stewart played the daughter in Taken, Liam Neeson would probably just let the bad guys have her."

"difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist spends there time looking up old family and a gynecologist spends time looks up old friends!"

"It's ironic that so many NASCAR fans are afraid of other races."

"Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office."