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Joke of the Day

"My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car."

"Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you're getting ready to take hostages."

"Coach Krzyzewski thinks he's playing wheel of fortune... ""I'd like to buy a foul"""

"What do you do if you step on a landmine? Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area."

"My friend sat on my drink... It went flat"

"Old man at the gym just told.me this one. Women asks me:""do you smoke after intercourse?"" I don't know, I haven't looked"

"How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves"

"Why can't the plane fly? Because it's grounded."

"I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this"

"Sexism Hurts Everyone I mean, I'm a sexist, and I can't get a girlfriend, so who the fuck is going to do my laundry?"