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Joke of the Day

"I go to the gym so infrequently that I still call it the James."

"I ran into a fat guy on the way to work Luckily I bounced back"

"I don't trust Sperm Banks, so naturally I keep my semen hidden in my mattress."

"A student is the only one in the school who can take retests... They say he is remarkable."

"What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio? Sesame Street has an Oscar."

"Family: come play dodgeball Me: nah Fam: oh come on Me: no thanks Fam: JUST PLAY Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*"

"Why do Autonomous cars have steering wheels? You have to hold on to something, when the shit hits the fan. ;->"

"Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes WHACK! ""Damn."" A bad skydiver goes ""Damn."" WHACK!"

"How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch? You pay him for the pizza."

"I bought some super sensitive condoms a few months ago and they won't stop crying because I don't use them."