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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes WHACK! ""Damn."" A bad skydiver goes ""Damn."" WHACK!"

"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken!"

"3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin."

"I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt..... So, I made a move on her."

"I can't stand Italians and their slanty eyes... ...no, wait, *italics*."

"Why does Islam marginalize their women? Because she ain't special, Shiite."

"Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was ""he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"""

"Whats the difference between congress and parliament? Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day."

"What did the chicken do when it crossed the road Got to the other side"

"WIFE: I think he's in a midlife crisis ""Why, did he buy a new car?"" WIFE: not yet [I pull up on a sleigh pulled by roughly 1000 raccoons]"