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Joke of the Day

"Today I am the C.E.O of the ""I Don't Give A Sh*t"" Committee........ We Are Hiring"

"when there was one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I tripped and fell but Jesus didn't see and he kept walking for a little bit"

"Being a worm must great. Its like ""wow that dirt was great I hope there's more"" and there always is"

"""Let's sleep in when we can't sleep in, and not sleep in when we can sleep in"" - children"

"I got a puppy for my daughter... Good swap if you ask me."

"It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do."

"Saturday night, time to get crazy! *shuffles Uno cards*"

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A licalatapus"

"[nsfw] This is the worst joke I have heard.... What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby? You don't cum on an apple before you eat it..."