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Joke of the Day

"The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation."

"I flip off the rollercoaster camera, then buy a mug with the picture on it, ride it again, flip off the camera again while sipping my mug"

"[1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop"

"Who is the greatest painter of this century? Pigcasso!"

"My girlfriend. ..probably tells me a lot that I don't listen to her."

"Me: hey girl r u an earthquake Her: aw bc I rock ur world? Me: no bc your unpredictability threatens the entire foundation of my existence"

"A news reporter was interviewing a man... who was a witness to a public masturbation incident. When asked why he did nothing to stop the perpetrator the man replied, ""Well, he had it coming."""

"How do you make a hormone? Or, as this joke was retold to me by my idiotic friend : ""How do you make a prostitute upset?"""

"What do you give a teenage girl who can't even? A two-torial!"

"Most of my friendships are based on if we watch the same TV shows."