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Joke of the Day

"I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane."

"Dear little baby Jesus, If I got what I deserved, it'd be bad. But my daddy deserves the best. Please send him a handsome son-in-law. Amen"

"I saw a refrigerator call a cab once Guess he was tired of running."

"New Neighbor: Hi, I'm Derek; I moved in downstairs. Me: I'm Spencer; I'll be looking in your window and judging your decorating choices."

"Two fat Scottish sounding women in my bar tonight... ""Hey, are you two from Scotland?"" I asked. ""It's WALES you fucking idiot,"" one yelled. I apologized, ""Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"""

"I am eternally grateful that Twitter doesn't have an ""is online now"" indicator"

"I love cliffhangers ..."

"What did the Seattle-based baker say to her apprentice? Someday you will bake like I bake."

"I'm going to open a bank ... ... with a clawbar!"

"#Jokes4days What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar? Can I grab some milk? *Bah dum tsss*"