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Joke of the Day

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our shit'."

"Why are there no Walmarts in Syria? Because there is a target on every corner. Guys, this syriaous."

"No one loves their kids equally. I use a curve system."

"TIP OF THE DAY: If you can't afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes."

"Someone told me you thought you were good enough to be part of my exclusive pee club. Ok. Urine."

"How can you tell if someone got their dog from a shelter? Don't worry, they'll let you know."

"I quit drinking & people laughed at me. Now the iPhone 7 is here and I get to sell a clean & pure Liver. The joke is now on them."

"If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? the answer isnt congress"

"What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed? How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?"