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Joke of the Day

"I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval."

"Chris Rea came to my garden centre today... ...he bought a driving gnome for Christmas."

"U U U U U U An American's tile rack after a Scrabble game."

"How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships ? With their eyes shut !"

"MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle ""If I Only Had a Brain"" from the Wizard of Oz."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Siamese Twins Barbie ...complete with surgical instruments"

"Whats the name of the arachnid playwright?"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Darth Vader Barbie ...with plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones"

"What was the last thing that went through Osama Bin Ladens head before he died? I hope they're all female..."

"Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done"