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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm happy right now. Life: lol one sec"

"What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical."

"Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming"

"Had to get up at 8 o'clock to work. That's 8 in the MORNING. Like a fucking farmer or something."

"Ref: I'm sending you off Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!"

"What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies."

"these tweets brought to you by me waiting to hear back from my weed guy"

"I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems... But it's worth a shot."

"How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Norris? *All of it.* *All of the wood.*"

"""You ask."" ""No, you ask!"" ""Will you please ask?"" ""Why can't you ask?"" ""Fine... Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!"""