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Joke of the Day

"I built a staircase using an online tutorial! When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step."

"Look, I'm not running a charity here, and if I was I'd be too busy embezzling money to help people."

"Two men walk into a bar. The first says, ""i'll have some H20"". The second says, ""sounds good, I'll have some H20 too"" The second man [died](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen_peroxide)."

"I'd be great at Wheel of Fortune. I shout random shit all the time. It's called ""tourettes"". ""Pat, I'd like to buy a... FUCK! SHIT! FUCK!"""

"So a pirate walks into a bar, he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender goes: ""What are you doing with that thing?"" The pirate responds: ""Arr, its been drivin' me nuts."""

"I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together."

"This is what I say to people who are against abortions Don't get an abortion"

"What does a can of tuna say? Premium flaked tuna Best before dd/mm/yy"

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic who has insomnia? A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."

"What did the Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs? ""Well, glad I got that over with."""