30424

Joke of the Day

"I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together."

"If someone is better at something than you, learn from them, let them teach you, or bathe in their blood so you can absorb their power."

"I'm not racist, racism is a crime. And only black people commit crimes."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? You think it'd be R, but his true love is the C."

"Can you tell me why the Irish only put 239 beans in their chili? well me boy, one more would be ""twofarty""."

"What has five arms, three legs and a head? The finish line at the Boston Marathon"

"Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? ""Oh, I do not know, DIABETES MAYBE!"""

"Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now."

"ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater."

"What do you call a gas station that sells crabs? A crustacean."