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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dog, I'd name it Syndrome. I'd teach it to jump up on people just so I could shout ""Down, Syndrome!"""

"Me: Do you want dinner? BF:sure, what are my choices? Me:yes or no."

"Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!"

"If Donald Trump becomes President, The rest of us should be able to just walk into any hospital & start working as doctors"

"Funniest Superbowl moment The Broncos..."

"""sure was nice of me to give that homeless guy $5 this morning"" [sees Steve Bannon on TV holding a Starbucks] ""son of a..."""

"Doctor Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it!"

"Why was ""C"" afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because they were ""Nazis""!!!! eyyyyy :D"

"Why is Tumblr so odd? Because they can't even."

"Exactly 4 years ago, I asked my college crush out. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."