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Joke of the Day

"""Dear Gillette, 5 blades on the Fusion is enough, chill out."" -Seal"

"I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokeStops... a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke edit: whoops, rip inbox. don't get sucked in by priests, kiddies."

"The local Chinese restaurant has creme brulee, but it's not on the menu. It's Secret Asian Flan"

"I just went to see the local police chief give a talk on heroin. I couldn't understand a word he said"

"Saw a Steve Jobs doppelganger on a Spirit airlines flight today You could say that he was there, in Spirit."

"My parents and teachers said I could be anything I wanted but I'm 28 now and I'm still not a hot Asian girl named Bang Bang :("

"This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is funny and spontaneous', yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming."

"I want you to drag me to the bedroom, softly lay me down, & kiss my neck. Now go clean the house while I take a nap."

"My grandmother died and left me a tomato. I shouldn't have asked for any heirlooms."

"My girlfriend accused me of being a transvestite... ...So I packed her things and left."