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Joke of the Day

"There was a documentary on TV about animal abuse. I felt lonely watching it by myself, so I made my dog watch it with me. Whether he wanted to or not."

"What type of blood does a keyboard have? Typo."

"Comedy is like a baby shower Useless if the delivery goes wrong"

"Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk"

"A cop stopped a man smoking cannabis while driving The officer asked ""how high are you?"" The man replied ""no officer, its hi how are you"""

"Why are Americas so Hung up on the constitution? It's fucking ancient."

"New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background."

"alright. if everything happens for a reason why did i put a scarecrow in the shower"

"Success is like giving birth... everyone congratulates you in the end but nobody knows how many times you got fucked in order to get there."

"What do you feed a feminist at a cookout? Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout."