113516

Joke of the Day

"Keep a few cat turds in your pockets, just in case a cop searches you. He will get cat poop on his hands, and you can laugh. It's all legal."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of 2. Irrational."

"I nearly got fired from my job as a roofer on the first day when I was caught masturbating. But my boss said I could wipe the slate clean."

"*I come downstairs to see my dog has eaten my dinner off the counter* Dude, I said I was sorry for eating yours."

"What's the difference between a big penis and a small penis? Nothing until the jobs done."

"I Got Banned From /r/twoxchromosomes I guess I am too male to understand (Y)."

"Why do hipsters drink their Jello? They want to have it before it's cool."

"No matter if you are a man or a woman Taking off a bra is usually a pretty awesome event."

"Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking."

"A guy runs to your door and pleads, ""Someone's trying to kill me! Can I come in?"" How should you respond? ""I don't know. CAN you?"""