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Joke of the Day

"What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their stupid event?"

"""Give it to me!"" My girlfriend screamed. ""I'm so fucking wet right now!"" She could shout all she wanted. I wasn't handing over my umbrella."

"She blindfolded me and said she was going to put heaven on my lips. I asked what kind of pizza it was. I woke up outside with a concussion"

"To the handicapped guy that took my bag! ( ) You can hide but you can't run!"

"NPR recently started a heavy metal band. 'All Things Dismembered'"

"Really stupid math joke What do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Dec 25 = Oct 31"

"You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's cheat and murder for insurance money like they do on Investigation Discovery Channel."

"If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?"

"If you say ""cray cray"" I'm going to punch you in the ""fay fay"","

"Knock knock... Who's there? *sigh* Mormons..."