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Joke of the Day

"If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?"

"Why did Matthew Arnold go swimming before writing Dover Beach? Before writing the poem, he felt he had to do some sole-searching."

"Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner? All the blood had rushed to his stomach."

"Did you know that human meat preserves really well? It is because it is can-able."

"There's a Little House On The Prairie film in the works, in case any of you are looking to take a two-hour nap in a theatre next year."

"Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you."

"I went to the zoo today, and the only animal it had was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu."

"Did you know, if you cut off your left arm, your right arm would be left."

"How bad is the economy? Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs."

"I just found out that I missed a test on stolen flags last week. My teacher had it flagged as missing."