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Joke of the Day

"Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors."

"How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side."

"The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP."

"my wife made me a birthday cake She complained it didn't look anything like Nigella's at all. I told her that's OK, since she doesn't look anything like Nigella either."

"Starbucks this morning looks like a scene from ""The Walking Dead."""

"NURSE: do you have any allergies ME: burnt bread NURSE: you're allergic to burnt bread? ME: yes I'm black toast intolerant"

"If I was a plastic surgeon I'd probably spend my free time putting tiny breast implants in my toes."

"Two zombies were playing a game of poker The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off."

"I used to steal jokes. I still do, but I used to, too."

"If you love someone, poison them a little bit each day. If they don't suspect you at all, they might be the ONE."