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Joke of the Day
"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month"
Next Joke
"son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it"
"""Uh-oh!"" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog"
"All food I purchase should read: ""Serving Size: Probably This Entire Box In Less Than An Hour, You Fat Fuck."""
"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"
"why did the man cross the road? he had his dick stuck in a chicken"
"Got a handjob from a blind girl last night She said ""You have the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said ""Nah. You're just pulling my leg."""
"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"
"What's the difference between a job and a wife? After 10 years, the job still sucks."
"Why is the Adults only store open 24hrs? Because get off at different times."