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Joke of the Day

"I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born"

"*phone rings* Wife: ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me (a dad): ""Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you."" Wife: ""...."""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants the bartender asks ""doesn't that thing annoy you?"" The pirate says ""arr, it's driving me nuts"""

"There's safety in numbers. Unless there's 6,000,000 of you. And you're all Jews."

"With as much as Adobe nags me to update, I feel like I should have its surname and be making it sandwiches all the time."

"Father: What did you learn in school today ? Son: That three and three are seven. Father: Three and three are six ! Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then !"

"Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me"

"I arranged a Reddit meet up for /r/sexaddicts... ...and everyone came!"

"Guess who just got laid! Not me. Probably someone, but not me."

"What do a cab driver and a cue ball have in common? The harder you hit them ...the more english you get out."