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Joke of the Day

"I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born"

"I can't believe that... after all the times my girlfriend called me ""daddy"", she still didn't get me anything for Father's Day."

"What did the rock say when he had to leave his girlfriend for a long time? I pumice I'll come back soon!"

"Marriage is like a pack of cards... Marriage is like a pack of cards: all you need at the start are two hearts and a diamond, but you end up wishing you had a club and a spade..."

"[describing sketch artist to criminal] He was pretty good at drawing pictures."

"Criminal Tip: Buy a gun from a guy off the streets. As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back. Free gun."

"Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence."

"Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless."

"[NSFW] Why was the snowman smiling? He could see the snowblower coming down the street."

"Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system? Because 7 ate 9."