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Joke of the Day

"Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless."

"The director of ""A Girl in the River"" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars"

"For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo. That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself."

"My doc said that I should stop smoking and drinking immediately. What does he care what I'm doing in the waiting room?"

"What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

"A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, ""Looks like Santa lost his temper again."""

"I'm feeling sluggish No one pour salt on me."

"Five most popular enhanced interrogation techniques.. .. The fourth one will shock you!"

"What's a pedo's favorite kind of shoe? White vans"

"My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe."