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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like a pack of cards... Marriage is like a pack of cards: all you need at the start are two hearts and a diamond, but you end up wishing you had a club and a spade..."

"""Favorite"" seems like a strong word. There should be a button that's more just ""Hey, fun Tweet. This is fun. We're having fun."""

"Why did simbas father die in lion king? Because he couldn't Mufasa."

"I just got this twitter error: ""The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it."" Apparently, twitter thinks we're married."

"What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked? **Moo**lestation"

"How do you spot a terrorist? They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter"

"That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you're moving."

"What do Russians call their barbers? Combrade"

"Women and rocks are a lot alike. We skip the flat ones."

"My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more."