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Joke of the Day

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"What's the most played song at Amish parties? Churn Down For What"

"The fastest way to learn a foreign language is to take a lover who speaks that language, which makes me wonder about Mr. Ed."

"It's 2012. We're supposed to have flying cars and stuff. But no... Just pajamas that look like jeans."

"I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books."

"I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it."

"What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene. An asian girl? Irene."

"What device can make prostitution legal? A camera."

"Greek mythology is my Achilles ankle."

"Best part about my homeless girlfriend.... she lets me play with her sweet cans"