79974

Joke of the Day

"I changed my relationship status to ""I'm sharpening my knives"" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit"

"Why is a racehorse like a letter? They both begin a trip at the post!"

"""Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem,"" I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct"

"A Roman Emperor orders his guards to arrest his wife. He orders them to Ceas'er."

"Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me."

"How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!"

"What's wrong with a chameleon that can't change colors? He has a reptile dysfunction."

"Dad says to me, you'd be a great fisherman Because you check the net all the time"

"I listen to Ed Sheeran in the same way I stuff an entire cupcake in my mouth over the sink hoping no one will see."

"News just in. There are reports that all the toilets have been stolen at Scotland Yard. Police say they have nothing to go on."