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Joke of the Day

"Sorry you didn't win Best Picture, ""Mad Max: Fury Road,"" but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for ""Best Documentary."""

"Why was the President broke after the assassination attempt? Secret service charges."

"How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce"

"How did Moses make his tea? Hebrews it"

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"(Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I'm scared ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*"

"What's six feet tall, black and screaming? Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron."

"LeAnn Rimes No, it doesn't."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance..... ..... I'll show him"

"Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine"