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Joke of the Day

"How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars? ""Well... If it's any constellation..."""

"Once I was Walking And I kept Walking :p That's all how are doing today ? What' time is it at your house ? Are you married ?"

"Why does the devil get such a bad rap? Because like everyone in marketing, he always lets his own stuff slide..."

"Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money."

"*Frantically typing on google* 'How to do CPR' *Opens video, 30 second ad pops up* [To dying person] Ok just hold on a sec"

"What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed her? *Your waiter will be with you in a moment, ma'am*. (was reading an OJ post in another sub and remembered this one.)"

"How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers"

"You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers."

"My dad asked why i have a gun in my house Is said because of the decepticons, i laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster, it was a good night."

"I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me."