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Joke of the Day

"How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars? ""Well... If it's any constellation..."""

"A Mexican magician says to the audience: ""For my next trick, I will disappear on the count of three. Uno... Dos..."" *POOF*. And he disappeared without a tres."

"Laughing Hands I never knew hands could laugh cause mine are cracking up."

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Syd"" ""Syd who?"" ""Dys Leiax"""

"""Do you like exotic birds? "" Yea, you do look like you've had a cock-or-two."

"if there were a zombie apocalypse i'd save a lot of kids but it would be only because i'd need them later to feed zombies so i can run away"

"His ex saw me and said, ""I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder""... I said, ""Guess so, but I Be Holdin' his hand!!!"""

"How do they prevent crime in hamburger country? With burger alarms!"

"Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone caulk? The glass fell out of their windows."

"911 maybe too soon What's the difference between 911 and landscaping. Landscaping is an outside job sorry in advance ps I was the original poster of this"