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Joke of the Day

"""Here, let me fill your head with a bunch of opinionated bullshit that's not actually news"" - Every major news outlet"

"If people in the US hate mexicans so much.. than why is Jose in the national anthem"

"My friend told me this one Q: Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant? A: There are just too many pastabilities!"

"The election between Trump and Clinton was just like sex. You could've either take the ass hole or the cunt."

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison."

"Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing"

"I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn't find a pair anywhere."

"I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it.... Now I can truly think of myself as Independent."

"Whats an intercourse? Something you do between the periods."

"A humorous joke to say on January 1st, ""I haven't had sex since LAST year!"" When really it's only been 21 years, 3 months and 18 days."