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Joke of the Day

"[NBA Postgame] *LeBron wearing his fake glasses* ""Questions? Yes, Lois Lane from Daily Planet"" ""Yeah hi. I'll wait til LeBron comes out"""

"FRIENDS reunion (2016) RACHEL: [texting from bar] sry smthg came up CHANDLER: [texting from home] same... work JOEY: [in LA] wait THIS friday?"

"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"

"Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets."

"""We've been doing this for years, I simply can't be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?"" - people who named the fly."

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"how to tell your girl shes getting fat (actual convo on valentines day with my girl) me-i love fruit, her-i love chips, me- you better start to love fruit or youl love handles"

"SIRGEN = A Slut that acts like a VIRGIN"

"Carrot Top's hair should be green. Either that, or I don't understand the anatomy of a carrot as fully as I think I do."

"Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose."