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Joke of the Day

"Time for a joke. ""Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"" ""Well, why don't you ask your sister?"" ""But I don't have a..."""

"It really creeps me out the way my neighbor stares at me when I'm looking through her window."

"What do you call a jewish politician's election tactics? A schmear campaign!"

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."

"When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?"

"What do mathematicians read for fun? conics"

"If Hilary and Trump are stranded on a raft in the ocean, who survives? America. America survives."

"My wrists hurt every time I drive through a tunnel with passengers. The doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel."

"My dick is not small. It is perfectly shaped according to ancient greek standards."

"What's that over there? I don't know but I just got a raging clue"