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Joke of the Day

"What's the new etiquette rule: am I supposed to wait until everyone is done photographing their meals before I start eating mine?"

"Nose hairs must be the longest hairs on the human body. Every time I pull one it makes my arse hole twitch."

"I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees... But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf."

"What do you mean I've had enough to drink?!! Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost."

"A man tells his wife...... Husband: Hey, you and I should make a sex tape! For the future! Wife: Ehhhhh........ It'd be more like a vine."

"What do you call a scouser in a suit? The defendant."

"The guy who coined the phrase,""I'm not gettin any younger."" The guy he said it to then coined the phrase,""No shit, Sherlock."""

"A man driving a car hits a woman. Who's fault is it? TRICK QUESTION! Cars can't fit in the kitchen!"

"Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness I said, ""Hey man I didn't even see the accident"""

"I was offered a threesome with a Japanese guy but I turned it down, after all, you know what they say about Japanese penises... ...they're really blurry."