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Joke of the Day

"I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees... But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf."

"What goes ""Clip""? A one legged horse!"

"What is the difference between a stalking African Pygmy and a jogging Jane Fonda? One of them is a cunning runt."

"If my third grade teacher hasn't taught me that little rhyme about spelling.... I'd still be spelling cieling and nieghbor wrong."

"Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius."

"20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar."

"What's blue and fucks grannies Pneumonia...."

"Slow and steady wins the race, unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed."

"Confucius say... Confucius say man with beard face rough time!"

"I've just sold some glass rockets to Kim Jong Un. I hope he's pleased with his new, clear weapons."