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Joke of the Day

"If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there."

"Not all Muslims are terrorists It's just the ones with short fuses"

"Burping up Taco Bell is like returning to the scene of the crime"

"People who process expired passports are so lazy they're always cutting corners. (Joel Dommett)"

"If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too."

"That moment. You're driving, music blaring singing at the top of your lungs. You're a rockstar till the music cuts out & you hear your voice"

"Pharmacist: need any help? Me: Yes, I'd like whatever Oprah was on when she gave each and every audience member a car"

"For sale Dead Budgie Not going cheep"

"My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth."

"I'm hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life."