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Joke of the Day

"Two cashews walk into a bar... The Bartender says ""How about a glass of our most expensive wine?"" The Cashews reply, ""Do you think we're Nuts?!"""

"""I'm so wet!"" she screamed at me. ""I'm so fucking wet!"" she screamed at the top of her lungs. ""Give it to me, now!"" She could yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime."

"One fun way to describe Facebook is ""imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart."""

"What type of lunch do you get at an air show? A plain one."

"what did the priest say before he ate his salad? lettuce pray"

"Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."

"Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we'd still be talking about how we're not finding that airplane."

"An interesting fact about owls. Their heads can rotate up to 360 degrees before it comes off in your hand."

"[Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all"