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Joke of the Day
"I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
Next Joke
"Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!"
"Once I meet a hot chick I automatically give her money. So if she says I'm stalking her I can tell the cops she's a hooker."
"Pope Innocent is an oxymoron"
"Everybody laughed when I told them I was going to become a comedian They're not laughing now!"
"wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us"
"Parents: ""Why don't you come socialize with the family?"" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*"
"I bet that at some point in history a baby ate a dingo."
"-40 outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius. My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes."
"My wife says she is really looking forward to the hotel... But I have my reservations."