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Joke of the Day

"Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!"

"I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved."

"My mom used to tuck me in every night. She really wanted a daughter."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits, and the other fucks between shits."

"How do you troll an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from."

"How do you trigger a feminist? You've got male."

"Did you know having children is hereditary? If your parents don't have them, neither will you."

"There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them."

"How can you tell two people are married? Both are yelling at the same kid."

"Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day"