79173

Joke of the Day

"I see there's going to be a new PeeWee Herman movie on Netflix. It's a good thing it won't be in theaters."

Next Joke
 
"Sailors really want to be cool. But they're just naut."
"Why is Jesus bad at hockey? He always gets nailed to the boards."
"Do you know the fat catholic woman? [OC] She has mass."
"Did you know that after this next album, Matisyahu will be retiring? Soon he will be Jah-bless."
"What do you call a sleeping police officer? An undercover cop."
"11:30 - Sit on toilet, open Twitter. 11:54 - Try to stand, fall to floor with numb legs. 11:55 - Get comfortable on floor, open Twitter."
"Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree"
"Twitter has messed me up. Now when someone says something I like in real life, I gently place my hand on their face and whisper ""favorite""."
"""Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?"" ""Can't. Scared."" ""Of the water?"" ""No. Palindromes."""