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Joke of the Day

"I was at a restaurant when I noticed my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered really slowly, because she obviously doesn't listen well."

"Yo' mama is so classless She could be a Marxist Utopia"

"My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters"

"Wife: Rock the baby. Me: *plugs in amp*"

"My son asked me to get a tartan shirt for his birthday. So far I've only got him the prostitute."

"Switzerland on Austrians: ""Why is the Austrian flag red-white-red'?"" ""So that they can't raise it upside-down"""

"I bought a new flat last week... I use it as my spare."

"(Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?"

"What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANES! When do we want them?! NEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!"

"I heard Venezuelan currency has inflated so much they are weighing it instead of counting it. Looks like they finally transitioned from bolivars to pounds."